You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
