i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
