Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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