i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
