I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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