OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
