I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
