Umm I'm too high to move.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
