no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
