Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
