do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
