Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
