It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
