I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
