ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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