apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
