i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
