one word: firstdatebathroomanal
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
