my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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