The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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