i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
