i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
