i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
