I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
