I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
