i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
