She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
