Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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