Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
