Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
