with your own penis?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
