i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
