I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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