by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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