Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
