Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
