You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
