Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
