He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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