this just has baby written all over it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
