some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
