Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
