what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
