Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
