After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
