She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize