My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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