i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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