I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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