Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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