if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
