Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
