speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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