I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
