Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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