I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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