I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
where am i from again
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
