What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
