Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
