You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
