he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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