I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
