You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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