WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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